Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
