Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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