Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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