we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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