Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
