4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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