she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
