Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
