Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
