I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
