sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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