You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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