just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
