I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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