I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He felt like a one man threesome
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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