yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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