So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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