i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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