Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There r osticjed everywhere
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
