The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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