Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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