I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she peed on how many people?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
