Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
