when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
