I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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