In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
