just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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