My nipple is on Facebook.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
