you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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