dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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