There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
