im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize