I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
