Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
there is glitter all over my balls
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