he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
