i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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