He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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