yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
