My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
