Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
