R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
