About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
