her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
