yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
