I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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