i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
