I showed him my bush... on skype.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
