My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
