Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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