yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
