Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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