My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
