Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
