Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
