yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
