last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
