My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
