when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
