booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
