Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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