I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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