I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
