Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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