New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
