i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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