She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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