he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
